Impact 

Content

• Video Compilations
• Interviews
• Stephanie’s story
• Survey Statements

Video Compilations

Video Interviews

Stephanie’s Story

Survey Statements

View of God

God was this being that was always ready to cut me off as soon as I slipped up. Everything I did/didn’t do was out of fear, guilt and shame. I personally didn’t like the rules, but I HAD to follow them if I didn’t want to go to hell. Since leaving hyper fundamentalism I have had to get to know a completely different God. The real God. The One I can actually trust in because I want to, not because I have to. The God that loves me no matter what and has GRACE for me. It doesn’t give me the right to purposely sin over and over. But when I do, it doesn’t mean I am immediately cut off or that I have an angry god who is looking down on me and asking me why I would be so stupid. It means He just loves me and wants what’s best for me and He doesn’t want to give up on me at the drop of a hat. It’s been a BIG learning curve and it’s taken me years (still working through some things) to realize that what I was told about God my whole life isn’t really what He’s like at all. I love God now and I love worshipping Him.

– Sarah

I viewed God as never quite being proud of me. I use to cry and pray that I be good enough for him. I thought that any hardship that came my way was some sort of punishment. I definitely viewed him as a hard task master. Now, I can say that the gospel has truly changed my life. I view God as a truly loving father that wants all of me, the good and the bad. His ways seem simpler now and I’m more grateful to have him as my friend.

– Rebecca

I viewed God as a judge. An old man sitting in a huge chair with a gavel in His hand ready to slam it down and send me to hell with any misstep. Yes, Jesus died for my sins but I was only worthy of that if I kept every rule and lived absolutely perfectly. I never felt good enough. I knew I never measured up to perfection. I’d repent multiple times a day and even ask God before I went to sleep to “forgive me of sins I didn’t even know I had committed” and to please not leave me behind in the rapture to suffer. I never felt secure in my salvation, it was always hanging in the balance moment by moment.

When I decided to read the Bible without any lenses shaping my view or preconceived ideas, I saw something completely different. I saw a God who set up the entire world to save the lost. I saw that God sent His beloved son Jesus who willingly chose to love me and the entire world so much that He would suffer and die.

Growing up in Bible class, there was always much debate about why the thief on the cross could enter heaven so easily. The reason the thief entered Heaven was because what Jesus did is enough and covers all sin! That revelation has been life-changing. Jesus wouldn’t die and still have me lost, He died so we can be united with Him in eternity. That’s how much He loves me. Accepting that love has been a journey because for a long time I didn’t feel I deserved it, but really that’s grace and the unmerited favor that God freely gives.

– Ashlee

I didn’t know what grace was. God was a taskmaster parent that was never pleased and could pull His love away at any moment.
Now I understand why the gospel is called good news. It’s peace and rest. What God wants naturally flows from that. My striving and beating the wind is over. He really is the Prince of Peace.

– Tammy

One can never see God as their loving Father when all they are taught about Him is He is just waiting for you to mess up, and dangles you over Hell all the time. There is no peace or security in that. I believed in a fake Jesus, who was powerless to forgive me of ALL sin, as every time I would slip up (or break a made-up, extra-biblical rule) I was once again “playing with my salvation”.. so is He powerful to save and forgive or isn’t He? Not their Jesus.

The true and living God is a God who fully forgives, because Christ died and paid in full the price of my sins. He paid my wages, and the consequences in eternity for me are forgiven, despite my continuing on the road to Christlikeness now. The Fathers’ love is what makes my heart break over my own sin, not my terror of what He will do to me if I step “a toe out from under the umbrella of protection” I was threatened with growing up.

“The only thing I contribute to my salvation is the sin that made it necessary.” – J. Edwards

I now can say the same, and praise God for His full forgiveness and grace, knowing that my obedience is the natural response you HIS saving me, not obedience as a means to “saving” myself.

– Jessica

God was an authoritarian, a dictator. Someone to be feared. Always waiting for you to mess up. Now I understand God is a good Father. He knows full well that we will mess up but he is always there to help us when we do.

– Anonymous

Change “it” to [My view of God and salvation]

It was very fear based. God was someone I had to earn favor with on a day to day basis. It made me a very anxious person who judged others very harshly just by looking at their outward appearance.

– Anonymous

I had a warped view of who God was. I had always heard and known that the wages of sin are death, and so I believed that God sat on the throne waiting to condemn us to hell for our sins. Unfortunately I didn’t understand the whole verse. The wages of sin are death, BUT the gift of God is eternal life in Christ our Lord.

– Anonymous

I viewed God as a monster… I believed the God of the Old Testament was angry and violent and Jesus was different. I also felt like I could never do enough or be good enough to be saved.

– Sarah

In the movement you constantly wondered if you were doing enough to be saved. God seemed to be waiting to strike you down and take your salvation anytime you breathed wrong. They would never admit this but it’s true. I was never a “member” but grew up around the group.

I came to see the grace of God from start to finish in Scripture. It is a beautiful doctrine.

– Anonymous

Growing up I viewed God as someone who was a really strict Father. I was terrified of doing wrong and every night for years (as a 8-10 year old) prayed for repentance. My parents helped me through that process and yet I still grew up struggling to trust God cared for us and was trustworthy. I understood the gospel, but I couldn’t understand how some acted like our group was the only ones making it to Heaven because of the strain on outward standards.
I now am on a journey of discovering who God really is and on a journey of trusting His goodness. I view Him as a extremely personal God who’s love I am sometimes just overwhelmed by.

– Anonymous

God was disappointed daily in me! If I did anything that was out of line with my traditional upbringing (dress, curl my hair, pluck my eye brows, thoughts, tv, etc) I felt like a sinner more than a saved Christian! Now I know God is a loving and forgiving God. His requirements for my salvation does not depend on my dress code, my hair length, etc.

– Krystal 

I aligned God’s acceptance with that of our pastor and/or other leaders. I had to get all the rules right, always make the mature choices, never miss the expectations, etc. If I could do all that, I’d be safe, valuable, and worthy to be used.

– Anonymous

To me, God used to be a wrathful God who asked me to reach a certain level of perfection for Him to accept me, also a weak God, cuz Satan (as powerful and scary) was taught much more than about God, except as a judge and His wrath… The gospel was a vague expression never explained except sometimes as the first five or so books of the New Testament.
Now? God is my best friend, my everything and we walk together, talk together, do things together. He never leaves, no matter what. He is my salvation, my righteousness, and He blesses my life so much!! Being right with Him doesn’t depend on me doing anything right except believing in Him. Jesus alone saved the world from sin. To the old me that would sound very scary but to the new me it produces so much gratitude and humility in my heart, not sin. Thank You, Jesus!!!

– Mabel Hostetler

Growing up in a hyper-fundamentalist group made me view God as an angry & hateful God. I was constantly terrified that I would lose my salvation and with it Gods love if I were to sin. I couldn’t understand as a child why I was taught that Jesus loved me and yet felt so scared of Him. I now know the true nature of God. The fear I felt came from the church’s teachings & church members judgement.

– Gabriella

Hyper fundamentalism caused me to view God through a list of do’s and don’ts, with constant fear of messing up and “losing” salvation. I kept coming back to the truth, that God is love and salvation is not of works. Holiness churches would say both of these and then hyper focus on outward appearance and backsliding, and it felt impossible to maintain a relationship with God, because in this mindset, God was always disappointed in me for not following the standards to the letter. Each independent group I would interact with had a slightly different version of what God expected, and these groups were only ok with others if they were “more strict” than they taught. Anything less strict meant someone must be letting up or backsliding, or going back on light. I found this way of life exhausting. When I attending [college], I encountered a number of genuine Christians from multiple church backgrounds. They had been raised to truly study their Bible and I found my own personal study to be sorely lacking in comparison. My view of God now focuses on his amazing Grace, and his compassion as my Father. It is a restorative viewpoint, and is constantly encouraged by groups like Berean Holiness who teach that salvation isn’t entangled in outward “standards” but on faith alone.

– Anonymous

CHECK ABOUT FIRST SENTENCE

Before, my view of God was that He pitied me and my sinful state, and offered me salvation without being remotely worthy of it. As if I was something detestable. I felt so unworthy of anything good in life. I was a despicable excuse of a waste of oxygen and creativity on His part because of MY screw ups. I also believed that if I didn’t “toe the line”, I may not even truly be saved. Any time I sinned, I questioned my salvation and was fearful of His wrath being poured out on me. At times, I didn’t even pray and ask His help or protection because I didn’t believe He would answer me anyway. I wasn’t holy enough or righteous enough. I would lay face down on the carpet in my bedroom many nights, sobbing, begging Him to just love and accept me into His family and to help me live pleasingly to Him.

Now.. now!! Now I feel His love all the time! I have seen Him answer my prayers for things I never thought possible. I am finally coming to comprehend grace. I didn’t understand it before. And it’s OVERWHELMING to me. I still feel unworthy, but more in a humble and still loved way, not in the way that I am gross and God is absolutely repulsed by me. Now I feel His grace and mercy as a result of His LOVE, not His pity. I no longer feel like I am a disgusting thing to Him, but something, SOMEONE, He longs to be close to and fellowship with. ME?! ME! God loves ME, no matter what! Now I desire to serve and please Him not because I’m terrified of Him utterly destroying me, but because I am so thankful for His love and grace and mercy and His UNBELIEVABLE sacrifice. I still, unfortunately, struggle with assurance of salvation at times. I guess that’s the one thing left from the hyper-fundy life that I’m struggling to have peace and release from. Pray for me to have that peace that lasts, and that Satan no longer is able to torment me with.

– Kayla

I remember feeling like God was very powerful and loving, but that he was harsh and quick to punish, admonish, and discipline–much like a strict parent. He loved us, but he had expectations to be met. Now I know that God is the definition of love, peace, and grace. He’s who we should run to when we need those things. Having these starkly different views affected so many aspects of my life, especially how I parented my kids. I wish I could go back and do it all again.

– Michelle

View of Self

The church I grew up in made me feel so in bandage and negative about who I was and that God saw me as a bad person because I could never measure up. I kept failing when I should have been perfect. I wanted to make it to heaven but always felt like I wasn’t perfect enough and questioned as to whether I would make it. When I left that church, gradually I started seeing things in a different light. My eyes were opened to Bible truth. I continue to grow by the grace of God.

– Marcy Sulzberger

[Hyper fundamentalism] made me less trusting of the “Christ” they all claimed to follow and speak for. It also made me less trusting of myself, especially when it comes to making life decision decisions, because we were not allowed to make life decisions without the permission of the pastor. He would pray about it and let us know if we were allowed to do something or not.

– Anonymous

View of Other Christians

I grew up being taught that people from otjer beliefs outside of ours were not going to heaven. I was taught to have nothing to do with people from other beliefs. I was taught that if I wore pants or cut my hair I was going to hell.

As I grew older and understood more, I now know and believe that people from other Bible based faiths will enjoy heaven with me. I no longer believe that dressing modestly means only wearing dresses. Modesty is more than outward appearance. Berean Holiness had helped me understand this even better and is a great resource to refer others to!

– Karen

I had no understanding of the Gospel, I didn’t even hear it until I was 28 years old and attended a Bible study outside of our church. I also did not believe I was saved, I didn’t think I could know that until after death. Salvation was something I was working towards and trying to earn by my behavior. I saw God as more of an angry judge than a loving father, just waiting for me to mess up and then punishing me. The people in my church were the only true Christians, altho we didn’t even use that word to describe ourselves. Anyone outside our church was lost and all other churches and preachers were false. I now know and believe the Biblical Gospel and know that I am saved based on my faith in Christ alone. I am a part of the Church, the body of Christ, made up of all believers…a big and wonderful family!

– Beth F.

I viewed Christianity and Salvation as impossible to obtain. God seemed super picky and I knew I could never live up to what I thought was His expectations. The Gospel didn’t feel like freedom but felt like chains. All the extra non Biblical standards did nothing but make me feel as if I would never be able to get into Heaven. Especially since I questioned the standards.

I now have experience the freedom of God’s love and grace. I now understand more what it means to be a child of God and his love, grace and mercy exceeds past all the extra standards. I am able to worship freely without worrying if my sleeves roll up past my elbows. I am able to go to church and feel welcome whether I show up in jeans or a dress. It truly isn’t you outward appearance but your heart. Experiencing God’s forgiveness, grace and mercy along with what He has been showing me in my personal life has been the most amazing experience. God has answered prayers and has led me to things I should or away from things I shouldn’t do. God has shown Himself in such a real way to me… And I don’t just wear skirts.

– Elizabeth

Discipleship

The pastor was the spokesperson for God. His voice was God’s voice, and questioning the pastor meant you were rebelling against God. I became dependent on church leadership for doctrine, scriptural application, and direction in my life. Why do I need to study the Word when they’ll just tell me what to believe and how to live?
Emotional services are how I measured God’s move in my life. My jobs in the church were 99% of my work for God…very little evangelism, just living in a bubble. My Christian witness was mostly just my dress/appearance.

– Anonymous

I grew up viewing God as more of a stern disciplinarian who would be very displeased with me if I didn’t line up to everything the church taught. I believed that if I took any mis-step, I would need to seek forgiveness immediately or face going to hell if I were to die in the meantime. I believed that many of the outward extra-biblical standards were THE way to spot a christian, and automatically assumed that if someone dressed holiness, they were definitely a Christian. I never did understand what true sanctification meant. The more I sought answers that made sense, the less sense it made. I had a pretty good grasp on what was required for salvation, but it was always something we “had to be sure” about. There was never any security in what God did for me on the cross. I longed for true discipleship and was frustrated with lengthy sermons on that were preached in a fevered pitch and went nowhere.

– Anonymous

Evangelism

“I thought dress standards were […] more important than actually spreading the gospel because the way I dressed told people what I believed as is so I did not need to do any extra evangelizing..”

“I felt constant fear of doing something wrong. I believed he was a cruel God waiting to pounce the moment I did anything that could even be slightly perceived as wrong. I thought dress standards were equal importance to normal rules such as sexual immorality, and more important than actually spreading the gospel because the way I dressed told people what I believed as is so I did not need to do any extra evangelizing.”

– Anonymous

Funding Faith-Based Resources

NOT HIGHLIGHTED and FROM NO. 16

“I would have never paid for anything while starting out on this journey, timid, scared, and so unsure of everything.”

Being a free resource is SO SO beneficial. I would have never paid for anything while starting out on this journey, timid, scared, and so unsure of everything. Being able to read or watch others stories, the research in legalistic topics, and biblical doctrine was so enlightening. I dug deeper, and I made connections with others who were on the same journey in a time where we felt alone because we had lost our community. A random Facebook post appeared on my feed, and it was from there that I began to follow Berean.

–  Victoria

The Gospel

It seemed like the Gospel was not crystal clear. I knew more about standards and does and don’t more than I could clearly articulate and tell the Gospel.

– Anonymous

Thank you for asking this question. Being part of a hyper-fundamentalist group had a profound and devastating impact on me. It completely distorted how I viewed God and Christianity. I saw God as harsh, impossible to please, and more focused on punishment than love. The gospel felt like a crushing set of rules rather than a message of grace and freedom.

It wasn’t just mental anguish—it was hell on earth. I developed a suicidal spirit and often fantasized about ending my life just to escape the misery. I even turned to self-harm, desperate to find relief from the constant pain. I would dream about being free, about finally being away from the suffocating fear and control.

There were occasional good moments, but they couldn’t outweigh the deep emotional scars I was left with—PTSD, depression, and so much more. I’m still working on healing and rediscovering who God truly is, and I’m learning that His love isn’t about fear or control. It’s a process, but I’m holding on to hope that freedom and healing are possible.

– Anonymous

Salvation

I tried so hard to please God because I was taught that my entrance to Heaven depended on my performance and it never felt like enough. I was so discouraged, paralyzed by fear of falling into sin. Looking back, I see that I resented God at times. It felt like God was dangling His spiritual blessings out in front me saying “try harder, do more, you’re almost there.” The gospel is supposed to be good news, but it didn’t feel like it was good news while I was in hyper-fundamentalism. Salvation felt like a gigantic weight on my shoulders. I put on a happy face in public, but behind closed doors I had no joy, no peace, and I was afraid the unsaved world would see through me and not want God or Holiness.

God used my husband who wasn’t raised in hyper-fundamentalism to help open my eyes to the hypocrisy in the Holiness movement. Then I began to read the Word of God without the Holiness blinders on and one day while reading the book of Romans, I the GOOD news of the gospel finally clicked for me. I realized in that moment that Jesus truly has paid my sin debt in full and He truly is able to keep me and see me through Heaven’s gates. I finally understood that “none are good, no not one…” That we all fall short every single day, and that’s why we need a savior.

– Ashleigh Best

“Hyper fundamentalism… makes salvation a self-performance issue and simplifies holiness into a superficial thing such as clothing.”

Hyper fundamentalism did not allow me to understand just how great the grace of God really is. It makes salvation a self-performance issue and simplifies holiness into a superficial thing such as clothing. I now believe in the performance of Christ on the cross and trust in his work that is finished and not in my own.

– Jonathan

“…There was so much talk in the hyper-fundamentalist groups of things we had to do to please God.”

I believe that assurance of Salvation was something I struggled with because I lived with the shadow of accidentally doing something that was against the Bible and missing heaven. I have served God since I was 9, but there was so much talk in the hyper-fundamental groups of things we had to do to please God. When I started to study on my own and read BH posts, I realized my salvation wasn’t based on anything other than salvation by grace through faith.

– Sherilyn

“My understanding of the gospel was very works based, and my primary motivation was shame- and fear- based.”

My understanding of the gospel was very works based, and my primary motivation was shame and fear based. I could lose my salvation easily. There was no peace or joy. I could never achieve the perfection that seemed to be required according to the preaching I heard.

I have learned that salvation is by grace through faith in Christ alone. I am kept by Christ, not by anything I can do. It is Christ who works in me both to want to do His will, and to do His will. I don’t practice sin, but if I do sin, I don’t lose my salvation; I confess, knowing that when I do, God is faithful and just, and forgives. And I keep moving forward by His grace. Since my salvation is not in jeopardy, and my relationship with Christ is not based on performance, but on relationship and love, my faith has strengthened, and the peace and joy I longed for has replaced the fear and shame I lived with constantly.

– Philip

I have been trying to save myself my entire life. I lived in fear and anxiety of being “left behind”. I am still working out my salvation but I love the book of Ephesians to point me toward the cross and what Jesus did for me.

– Ashley

I was constantly on edge and anxious about what other people thought of me and my relationship with God. Now I feel secure in my salvation regardless of what other people may think about me. Before disentangling, I would occasionally anctively engage in unhealthy sinful behaviors and feel like it was kind of ok because God didn’t reveal it to “my pastor” or another significant spiritual “authority”. Now I understand that God loves me even when I struggle with sin. This doesn’t mean that he condones or accepts my sin, just that He loves me in spite of that. He also has placed people and processes in my life to help me deal with the root cause of some of my struggles rather than just telling me to “pray and read my Bible more” without providing any practical ways to deal with the hurt/habit/hang up that caused me to continually choose the unhealthy sinful behavior.

– Brian

I felt like I could easily lose God’s favor and that salvation was something to be earned. The judgment day was something I had to personally prepare for and I just just crossed my fingers and hoped I would make it.
Now, I see love to think about the character of God. How God described himself to Moses in Exodus. I also love that salvation is something that I can enjoy today. That the end of my life is something to look forward to because of the blood of Jesus. ❤️

– Jennifer W.

Hyper fundamentalism led me to believe that, even though I didn’t have to do anything to earn salvation, I had to work to earn God’s favor; which put me in a constant state of guilt. I felt that I had to have an emotional experience in every church service, or I wasn’t right with God. I viewed God as always mad at me unless I was doing all the things the church required of me. I wondered if I was ever serving enough, praying enough, or reading my Bible enough. After having left the movement, I view God as loving and the Gospel as a story of God pursuing sinners. If it was about me earning God’s favor, why would Jesus have died? I now know that I can have fellowship with believers of other denominations.

– Hannah

I used to believe that I had to be perfect to go to heaven because that is how I was taught. I’m thankful that I now know that Jesus already lived that perfect life!

– Ethan

Salvation felt unachievable/ scary to me. There were so many rules I genuinely felt like those were more important than anything else. To me salvation meant baptism and speaking in tongues, they put no emphasis on how our hearts played a role into knowing God and receiving his spirit. After leaving, it felt like someone took blinders off of me and I could actually breathe and have a relationship with God.

– Natalie

While in holiness, I felt like if I made one mistake and the Lord would come back at that moment I would be left behind. Mostly because this is what was implied! Something my pastors wife said one time during a testimony was that she had gotten angry at her supervisor at work one day, and she said she knew if the Lord would come back right then that she wouldve been left. Same church, a lady testifying said she always listened to hear children playing outside of a morning, and if she heard some, she knew the Lord hadn’t come back and left her. So much fear! I actually didn’t attend a holiness for a long time, but it certainly affected me for a long time after. Even now when I see a clip of a holiness preacher preaching I start to feel fear and doubt creep in—which is wrong! Jesus did not die on the cross for us to live in bondage. I know that God loves me and isn’t sitting there waiting to punish me if I make a little mistake. I do believe we are called to live like Jesus, and that does not include legalistic dos and don’ts that are not actually written in the Bible.

– Anonymous

Well into my 30s I felt eternally insecure. I viewed God as angry and salvation as a fragile thing that required perfection and easily constantly slipped away. Fear was a constant companion at times paralyzing fear and compulsive rule following with so much pride in righteousness of following and going above and beyond those rules.

– Hannah

I saw my salvation as something fragile. I spent my life with virtually no assurance. I think the only time I felt assured was in the middle of an ecstatic altar service, and the evening following. The next morning-forget it. I had probably not prayed enough that morning. I probably had some hidden sin deep down-and obviously I couldn’t pin point that because why would God show it to me?
When presented with the gospel-by my husband who was also disentangling at the time-I wept. I couldn’t accept it at first. But when it hit my heart, I rested. For the FIRST. TIME. EVER.
I miss the people. I miss the relationship with my family. But I wouldn’t take it back because even without those things, I’m resting in the gospel.

– Andrea M.

I felt like everything about my salvation was wrapped up in a do and don’t list. It transferred into I have to do this whether I like it or not because I’m going to disappoint those closer to me if I don’t. I tried to serve God out of an honest heart but in reality I was serving man because I looked at what they would say first before I even considered what God had to say about it.

– Leandra

I grew up viewing God as a harsh Creator just waiting for me to mess up. My church and family culture were very legalistic and I struggled simultaneously with pride and never feeling good enough. I subconsciously believed I was better than everyone else in the world because outwardly I kept all the rules and looked the part (and was told my church was the only one with real “Truth”) but I was inwardly an anxious wreck struggling with religious OCD and intrusive thoughts because I was always terrified of losing my salvation over every sin. The role of the Holy Spirit was diminished because I was expected to agree and follow the same convictions that the church group and my family taught me. Sharing the Gospel, Christian discipleship, vulnerability, deep community, accountability, and many other things were rarely engaged in in the church, and I realized how much I missed out on once I finally left and experienced those things elsewhere. It was the perfect storm for a faith disengagement in which I’m so glad I went through during my college years when I had a chance to take a step back from the movement I grew up in. Now I better understand the true character of God and the critical roles of grace, the Holy Spirit’s leading, and studying Scripture for myself. I am in a better place mentally and emotionally than I have ever been in — praise God!

– Rachel

I finally realized my issues when other Christians I knew, in other denominations, spoke of God as loving. Even though my church never said that God was not loving, they definitely did not act in a loving manner like Biblical Christians. I always felt like God was watching me and judging me. I would put makeup on my acne for self-confidence, but then maybe a sermon was specifically calling that out and I would be physically sick and throw my makeup out. It was a constant cycle with many things that ruined my view of Christianity. I didn’t want to go to hell, but I was so confused.

– Madelyn

I believed in salvation by grace through faith since my childhood, but in practice I absolutely lived as if my works, service at church, and external standards proved how sanctified I was as a Christian. It formed me into an ever fearful people pleaser, obsessive over what people thought of me and terrified of doing anything that even could appear to be wrong. I eventually realized that all my life I had been trying to convince others, myself, and even God that I was truly saved. Then I was able to place all my faith in Him, repent of my pride and sin, and be truly saved. It was another 5 years before I realized just how much hyper-fundamentalism continued to rule my thinking and identity as a Christian.

– Anonymous

Marriage and Family

Outward Standards/Works

I believed my works saved me even though I was told they didn’t. The more I served, the more I sang, the more I spoke in tongues…I was more saved. God was a feeling not a person and my emotions dictated my life.

– Victoria

I believed that I had to go through my pastor for most, if not all, of my spiritual understanding. Following the rules of my group was tantamount to spiritual success, disobeying was sin. My faith in the group I was a part of began to disintegrate as I observed folks who carefully followed every rule, yet the true love of God wasn’t present in their life. They were modest, free from ungodly entertainment, would never lie, cheat, cuss, or steal…and yet men would yell and scream at their wives, young people would follow after anything their rules didn’t strictly forbid or look for loopholes, children were kicked out of homes, congregations were cut off for small things like trimming hair or going to a ball game, women would gossip about one another and cut each other down behind their backs…on an on and on. I began to see that you can follow any list of standards and lack a real Christian experience. I wanted something deeper. One day, God called me to “Come out from among them and be ye separate.” And I left and began to seek the Lord for who He truly is. He is leading me, guiding me, and revealing Himself to me more and more every day! I still have so much love for those I left behind, but I cannot stand for a weak, inconsistent Gospel when Christ died for SO much more. I was living beneath my privilege as a child of God, and I am thankful every day that I heard Him call me up to higher ground.

– Anonymous

Keeping Faith

BLUE HIGHLIGHT (REMOVE?)

“If it wasn’t for this lifesaving ministry I might have believed I was beyond saving and spiraled into unbelief.”

When I first “learned” about God through the UPCI I was taught that real salvation was to repent, be baptized and receive the Holy Ghost. After I completed this process, I thought I’d feel a sense of security in my salvation but instead I felt like I could lose my salvation at any minute. I thought I was told I wasn’t saved before, but now here I am learning I can still lose my salvation? I learned there were other things I needed to do to which seemed like an endless impossible list to keep. I kept being told if my heart was in a real relationship with Christ then I could “endure to the end to be saved.”
Well, I made it to the end all right, but to the end of the rope of man made doctrine. I was at the end and I was tired, exhausted, spiritually fatigued and more confused than ever before. What was wrong with me? This is when I found Berean Holiness and realized I wasn’t alone, that countless others felt like me who still believed in God but needed direction. If it wasn’t for this lifesaving ministry I might have believed I was beyond saving and spiraled into unbelief. I know now and am still learning that God STILL loves me and has a plan for my life.

– Cindy

Relationship with the Church

I lived in fear. Fear of wrath from God. Fear of God leaving me if I sinned because “He wouldn’t dwell in an unclean temple.” Fear of being “sat down” or “removed from the stage” if I did something someone didn’t agree with. I only lived to please the pastor and fellow members and was consumed with pride in being “holiness.” I judged others for the smallest things that were against “holiness standards.” I believed all other “Christians” from any other denomination were all deceived and going to Hell. If a sinner came to church and got “saved”, they were expected to “line up” fairly quickly or they didn’t really “pray through.” It was all based on outward appearance.

– Brittany

Hyper fundamentalism caused excessive fear/anxiety, to a point I couldn’t attend church for even 10 minutes without a full panic attack and not being able to breathe. This was while following all rules and surface level believing all that was taught. When I finally realized my triggers were based in bad theology/standards/enforcement, I was too scared to leave. It was all I had known.

An unbeliever coworker who was searching for hope asked me about coming to my church one day. There was no way I was bringing him to my church so we attended a Wednesday night chapel at Liberty University (near where I lived) with Ergun Caner speaking. He spoke with such confidence in the sovereignty of God and how God won’t leave us as His kids. It started me exploring what the Bible actually says.

I attended a conservative church for a long time thereafter but finally left all conservative church ideas for at least 5 years. For the last 2+ years, we have been attending a more Bible centered church and Berean has helped with this.

– Jason

Leaving the System

NOT HIGHLIGHTED and FROM NO. 15

“Leaving means losing pretty much everything and starting over.” 

I’m in the middle of it right now. It is literally the most difficult thing. I started seeing a therapist. I don’t have much of a support system outside of the movement…I don’t even know how to have the conversation with my mom, which is what I’m worried about the most. Knowing she and everyone else I’m friends with will see me differently. As a: backslider, decieved, reprobate, bitter, never loved the truth, as my old pastor would say when a person left “God will mess up your marbles.”
I have heard it from others and it is the truest thing. It is easier to stay than to leave. As much as I disagree with holiness standards and doctrines…leaving means losing pretty much everything and starting over. It’s almost like a house fire (not to be disrespectful to those who have experienced that). Those in it burn the bridge and you’re left in the smoke to fumble around and salvage whatever is left.

– Anonymous

I thought there was something wrong with me, that I was just rebellious and had no hope because I questioned standards as long as I can remember… the first memory being in 3rd grade. I was labeled by our movement before I was even old enough to understand anything, so I was always an outcast and treated badly. I was engaged to someone in the movement and there were multiple people that told his family I was “bad news” even though I was trying at the time to be “holiness.” Luckily, praise God, that relationship ended abruptly 4 months before our wedding. I left the Holiness movement as soon as I moved out of my parents’ home a few months later. I wanted nothing to do with God or church. I was treated so badly my whole life by people who claimed to be “God’s people” and I truly wanted nothing. I was so completely lost. I fell into new age/witchcraft later and convinced myself that the Bible was just written by men who wanted to control women. After having children of my own I went on a desperate search as a last ditch effort to find God and He revealed his true nature to us and I could finally read the Bible with new eyes. I believe He allowed me to find him without the baggage I was raised with so that I could have a true understanding of the Scripture without the tainted glasses of brainwashing. My husband (not raised in hyper fundamentalism) and I got baptized in August of 2023… 12 years after my leaving the holiness movement for good.

– Anonymous

The church we attended was driven with “break through” services. Apparel, authoritative leadership, don’t question leadership, church attendance was of great importance, tongues and interpretation services was the norm. When we left “the church” the pastor told me that my wife was the only one redeemable and me and the two children (ages 7-11) at that time would die lost. Various church members reiterated the message by the pastor when coming into contact with me. We received voicemails with the same rhetoric and when we attended a new church, the pastor called that leader and told him we were a “cancer” and not to accept us. This all happened in 2006. Now, 18 years, the wounds have healed but the scars remain.

– John