The Harm
of hyper fundamentalism
The Harm
Of Hyper Fundamentalism
“Wearing long dresses and long sleeves never hurt anyone!” is a sentiment we hear often. And our critics are (mostly) correct, there’s nothing wrong with personally choosing to wear long dresses, abstain from jewelry and makeup, have uncut hair, etc.
But hyper fundamentalism is not a set of personal choices. Hyper fundamentalism is a fear-based distortion of Christianity, characterized by extra-biblical requirements, authoritarianism, tribalism, and elitism. In other words, choosing to wear long sleeves (for example) is not a problem. The problem is when long sleeves are worn out of fear of missing heaven, or because a church leader commanded it. The problem is when anyone who stops wearing long sleeves is seen as “the enemy,” or when all Christians who don’t wear long sleeves are viewed as inferior, even lost, because of it.
That is hyper fundamentalism. It undermines discipleship. It sabotages personal relationship with Christ. It tears apart families. It distorts the gospel. It ruins lives.
On this page you’ll find dozens and dozens of firsthand accounts from former/current group members sharing how hyper fundamentalism impacted them personally, especially their view of God and understanding of the gospel. We pray that you will read their words and be compelled to action, whether that means reaching out for support as you leave a cultish group or giving to provide support for those who are. It’s time for the harm to be recognized, for the Body of Christ to care for those in spiritual crisis, and for the healing to begin.
“God was this being that was always ready to cut me off as soon as I slipped up. Everything I did/didn’t do was out of fear, guilt and shame. I personally didn’t like the rules, but I HAD to follow them if I didn’t want to go to hell. Since leaving hyper fundamentalism I have had to get to know a completely different God. The real God. The One I can actually trust in…
Impact of Hyper Fundamentalism: Videos
Sources
Whitney’s Story: Leaving General Assembly and Church of the First Born
Rodney’s Story: Leaving the Mennonites to Grow in Grace
Alicia’s Story: Finding the Joy of Salvation (No Tongues Required)
Amie’s Story: Breaking Free from Oneness Pentecostalism
Daniel’s Story: Disentangling Faith from the UPCI
Tammy’s Story: Resting in Grace After Hyper Fundamentalism
Jeff’s Story: Trading a Performance-based “Gospel” for the Gospel of Grace
Stephanie’s Story
”July 3, 2019 was the day a new life began for our family. In hindsight, it was the scariest decision we’ve ever made to date. This was the day I heard my husband crying and praying and asking God for a renewed heart. I asked him what this was all about and he said he had listened to Paul Washer and had heard the gospel of grace unlike he had never heard it before. He told me we needed to leave our church and he didn’t know what church we would attend next.
Not a big deal, just a change of churches? No, actually it was a VERY big deal. We were taught our denomination (Trinitarian Holiness Pentecostalism) was the only way to Heaven. Perhaps there was grace if you weren’t raised in it but if someone really ‘prayed through’ they were certain God would direct that person into Holiness. I myself was basically in Holiness my entire life and I was now 30 years old with a husband and two girls. How could I ever leave my church? In that moment, I tried to calm myself and I thought surely we’ll attend one of the other two Holiness churches in the area, but when it became clear that was not where my husband thought we needed to be, sheer panic set in. My thoughts began to whirl, ‘What if he was actually being led by a demon, and this wasn’t God’s plan at all?’ ‘What if I really fasted and prayed and God wanted me to stay in Holiness with my girls and divorce my husband?’’
Impact of Hyper Fundamentalism: Written Statements
View of God
“God was this being that was always ready to cut me off as soon as I slipped up. Everything I did/didn’t do was out of fear, guilt and shame. I personally didn’t like the rules, but I HAD to follow them if I didn’t want to go to hell. Since leaving hyper fundamentalism I have had to get to know a completely different God. The real God. The One I can actually trust in because I want to, not because I have to. The God that loves me no matter what and has GRACE for me. It doesn’t give me the right to purposely sin over and over. But when I do, it doesn’t mean I am immediately cut off or that I have an angry god who is looking down on me and asking me why I would be so stupid. It means He just loves me and wants what’s best for me and He doesn’t want to give up on me at the drop of a hat. It’s been a BIG learning curve and it’s taken me years (still working through some things) to realize that what I was told about God my whole life isn’t really what He’s like at all. I love God now and I love worshipping Him.”
– Sarah
“I perceived God primarily as a strict judge, focused on adherence to our specific set of doctrines and behaviors. This created a fear-based relationship with God, where salvation was seen as contingent upon obedience to stringent rules rather than a personal relationship or grace. I believed that serving God was only accomplished by works, avoiding sin, and fulfilling a checklist of beliefs and actions, rather than as a message of love, redemption, and transformation.
I now understand that serving and following God is about embracing His grace and love, recognizing that we are chosen as worthy not through our works, but through His unmerited favor.”
– Cory Baker
“I didn’t know what grace was. God was a taskmaster parent that was never pleased and could pull His love away at any moment.
Now I understand why the gospel is called good news. It’s peace and rest. What God wants naturally flows from that. My striving and beating the wind is over. He really is the Prince of Peace.”
– Tammy
“I viewed God as never quite being proud of me. I use to cry and pray that I be good enough for him. I thought that any hardship that came my way was some sort of punishment. I definitely viewed him as a hard task master. Now, I can say that the gospel has truly changed my life. I view God as a truly loving father that wants all of me, the good and the bad. His ways seem simpler now and I’m more grateful to have him as my friend.”
– Rebecca
“I viewed God as a judge. An old man sitting in a huge chair with a gavel in His hand ready to slam it down and send me to hell with any misstep. Yes, Jesus died for my sins but I was only worthy of that if I kept every rule and lived absolutely perfectly. I never felt good enough. I knew I never measured up to perfection. I’d repent multiple times a day and even ask God before I went to sleep to “forgive me of sins I didn’t even know I had committed” and to please not leave me behind in the rapture to suffer. I never felt secure in my salvation, it was always hanging in the balance moment by moment.
When I decided to read the Bible without any lenses shaping my view or preconceived ideas, I saw something completely different. I saw a God who set up the entire world to save the lost. I saw that God sent His beloved son Jesus who willingly chose to love me and the entire world so much that He would suffer and die.
Growing up in Bible class, there was always much debate about why the thief on the cross could enter heaven so easily. The reason the thief entered Heaven was because what Jesus did is enough and covers all sin! That revelation has been life-changing. Jesus wouldn’t die and still have me lost, He died so we can be united with Him in eternity. That’s how much He loves me. Accepting that love has been a journey because for a long time I didn’t feel I deserved it, but really that’s grace and the unmerited favor that God freely gives.”
– Ashlee
“One can never see God as their loving Father when all they are taught about Him is He is just waiting for you to mess up, and dangles you over Hell all the time. There is no peace or security in that. I believed in a fake Jesus, who was powerless to forgive me of ALL sin, as every time I would slip up (or break a made-up, extra-biblical rule) I was once again ‘playing with my salvation’.. so is He powerful to save and forgive or isn’t He? Not their Jesus.
The true and living God is a God who fully forgives, because Christ died and paid in full the price of my sins. He paid my wages, and the consequences in eternity for me are forgiven, despite my continuing on the road to Christlikeness now. The Fathers’ love is what makes my heart break over my own sin, not my terror of what He will do to me if I step ‘a toe out from under the umbrella of protection’ I was threatened with growing up.
‘The only thing I contribute to my salvation is the sin that made it necessary.’ – J. Edwards
I now can say the same, and praise God for His full forgiveness and grace, knowing that my obedience is the natural response you HIS saving me, not obedience as a means to ‘saving’ myself.”
– Jessica
“I felt like I was constantly trying to earn God’s love. I felt his love for me and even my own parent’s love for me was conditional and based on how well I followed rules. I now understand that God loves me for who I am and I can have a relationship with Him.”
– Anonymous
“My view of God was of a giant in the sky, hovering to drop the proverbial hammer if I messed up. Even thinking about wearing jewelry had the potential to kick me out of salvation. Christians were to be sinless, or they weren’t truly saved. I lost my salvation and was resaved more times than I could possibly count, and my journals at the time recount the hurt heart of a scared teenage girl.
When I was 18, I attempted suicide because I was in such despair over my inability to maintain my salvation. I toyed with Satanism because of the teaching that if one is not on God’s team, she’s on Satan’s, and I surrendered to the notion. At 19, at IHC, I suddenly realized that none of the people there were in fact sinless, and my entire worldview crashed around me. I gave up. I was in despair that no one was capable of maintaining their salvation on their own, even the holy men and (a few) women who were on that stage. I made the choice then to walk away and live my life for myself. It was the best decision I ever made. I was finally able to see God for who He is, a God of grace and mercy, and not the harsh judge presented to me in the holiness church. God doesn’t care about what I wear or if I cut my hair, He cares about the content of my heart. Being free of the lies I believed gave me the freedom to come to God as I was, and accept His love and peace.”
– Sarah
“Church and my relationship with God gave to very different contradicting views on who God was. I experienced God as a loving father full of grace and mercy but the church depicted him as merciless and only loving with conditions. We were taught that we don’t know if we are making it to heaven but we can only try, and we should make it by a mile instead of almost making it.”
– Valerie Rincon
“I had a warped view of who God was. I had always heard and known that the wages of sin are death, and so I believed that God sat on the throne waiting to condemn us to hell for our sins. Unfortunately I didn’t understand the whole verse. The wages of sin are death, BUT the gift of God is eternal life in Christ our Lord.”
– Anonymous
“God was an authoritarian, a dictator. Someone to be feared. Always waiting for you to mess up. Now I understand God is a good Father. He knows full well that we will mess up but he is always there to help us when we do.”
– Anonymous
“I remember feeling like God was very powerful and loving, but that he was harsh and quick to punish, admonish, and discipline–much like a strict parent. He loved us, but he had expectations to be met. Now I know that God is the definition of love, peace, and grace. He’s who we should run to when we need those things. Having these starkly different views affected so many aspects of my life, especially how I parented my kids. I wish I could go back and do it all again.”
– Michelle
“I viewed God as someone hard to please. I believed that if I could excel somehow He would be impressed. I believed that the position of righteous before God was earned by good behavior.”
– Fred Bennett
“I viewed God as a monster… I believed the God of the Old Testament was angry and violent and Jesus was different. I also felt like I could never do enough or be good enough to be saved.”
– Sarah
“Growing up I viewed God as someone who was a really strict Father. I was terrified of doing wrong and every night for years (as a 8-10 year old) prayed for repentance. My parents helped me through that process and yet I still grew up struggling to trust God cared for us and was trustworthy. I understood the gospel, but I couldn’t understand how some acted like our group was the only ones making it to Heaven because of the strain on outward standards.
I now am on a journey of discovering who God really is and on a journey of trusting His goodness. I view Him as a extremely personal God who’s love I am sometimes just overwhelmed by.”
– Anonymous
“Growing up in a hyper-fundamentalist group made me view God as an angry & hateful God. I was constantly terrified that I would lose my salvation and with it Gods love if I were to sin. I couldn’t understand as a child why I was taught that Jesus loved me and yet felt so scared of Him. I now know the true nature of God. The fear I felt came from the church’s teachings & church members judgement.”
– Gabriella
“God was disappointed daily in me! If I did anything that was out of line with my traditional upbringing (dress, curl my hair, pluck my eye brows, thoughts, tv, etc) I felt like a sinner more than a saved Christian! Now I know God is a loving and forgiving God. His requirements for my salvation does not depend on my dress code, my hair length, etc.”
– Krystal
“[My view of God] was very fear based. God was someone I had to earn favor with on a day to day basis. It made me a very anxious person who judged others very harshly just by looking at their outward appearance.”
– Anonymous
“Hyper fundamentalism caused me to view God through a list of do’s and don’ts, with constant fear of messing up and ‘losing’ salvation. I kept coming back to the truth, that God is love and salvation is not of works. Holiness churches would say both of these and then hyper focus on outward appearance and backsliding, and it felt impossible to maintain a relationship with God, because in this mindset, God was always disappointed in me for not following the standards to the letter. Each independent group I would interact with had a slightly different version of what God expected, and these groups were only ok with others if they were ‘more strict’ than they taught. Anything less strict meant someone must be letting up or backsliding, or going back on light. I found this way of life exhausting. When I attending [college], I encountered a number of genuine Christians from multiple church backgrounds. They had been raised to truly study their Bible and I found my own personal study to be sorely lacking in comparison. My view of God now focuses on his amazing Grace, and his compassion as my Father. It is a restorative viewpoint, and is constantly encouraged by groups like Berean Holiness who teach that salvation isn’t entangled in outward ‘standards’ but on faith alone.”
– Anonymous
“I felt constant fear of doing something wrong. I believed he was a cruel God waiting to pounce the moment I did anything that could even be slightly perceived as wrong. I thought dress standards were equal importance to normal rules such as sexual immorality, and more important than actually spreading the gospel because the way I dressed told people what I believed as is so I did not need to do any extra evangelizing.”
– Anonymous
“The pastor was the spokesperson for God. His voice was God’s voice, and questioning the pastor meant you were rebelling against God. I became dependent on church leadership for doctrine, scriptural application, and direction in my life. Why do I need to study the Word when they’ll just tell me what to believe and how to live?
Emotional services are how I measured God’s move in my life. My jobs in the church were 99% of my work for God…very little evangelism, just living in a bubble. My Christian witness was mostly just my dress/appearance.”
– Anonymous
“[Hyper fundamentalism] made me less trusting of the ‘Christ’ they all claimed to follow and speak for. It also made me less trusting of myself, especially when it comes to making life decision decisions, because we were not allowed to make life decisions without the permission of the pastor. He would pray about it and let us know if we were allowed to do something or not.”
– Anonymous
“I aligned God’s acceptance with that of our pastor and/or other leaders. I had to get all the rules right, always make the mature choices, never miss the expectations, etc. If I could do all that, I’d be safe, valuable, and worthy to be used.”
– Anonymous
“For me, it [the biggest challenge faced when leaving hyper fundamentalism and rebuilding faith] was the concept of grace. That was hard to wrap my head around. I lived in fear of the rapture, of bad things happening if I had done something against the standards of the church. So accepting that God is a gracious God, not that a have an excuse to sin, but the idea that God is not waiting for us to mess up so that he can strike us down- I’m still working through some of those things.”
– Ebony Turner
“I finally realized my issues when other Christians I knew, in other denominations, spoke of God as loving. Even though my church never said that God was not loving, they definitely did not act in a loving manner like Biblical Christians. I always felt like God was watching me and judging me. I would put makeup on my acne for self-confidence, but then maybe a sermon was specifically calling that out and I would be physically sick and throw my makeup out. It was a constant cycle with many things that ruined my view of Christianity. I didn’t want to go to hell, but I was so confused.”
– Madelyn
“To me, God used to be a wrathful God who asked me to reach a certain level of perfection for Him to accept me, also a weak God, cuz Satan (as powerful and scary) was taught much more than about God, except as a judge and His wrath… The gospel was a vague expression never explained except sometimes as the first five or so books of the New Testament.
Now? God is my best friend, my everything and we walk together, talk together, do things together. He never leaves, no matter what. He is my salvation, my righteousness, and He blesses my life so much!! Being right with Him doesn’t depend on me doing anything right except believing in Him. Jesus alone saved the world from sin. To the old me that would sound very scary but to the new me it produces so much gratitude and humility in my heart, not sin. Thank You, Jesus!!!”
– Mabel Hostetler
A Distorted Gospel
“…Being part of a hyper-fundamentalist group had a profound and devastating impact on me. It completely distorted how I viewed God and Christianity. I saw God as harsh, impossible to please, and more focused on punishment than love. The gospel felt like a crushing set of rules rather than a message of grace and freedom.
It wasn’t just mental anguish—it was hell on earth. I developed a suicidal spirit and often fantasized about ending my life just to escape the misery. I even turned to self-harm, desperate to find relief from the constant pain. I would dream about being free, about finally being away from the suffocating fear and control.
There were occasional good moments, but they couldn’t outweigh the deep emotional scars I was left with—PTSD, depression, and so much more. I’m still working on healing and rediscovering who God truly is, and I’m learning that His love isn’t about fear or control. It’s a process, but I’m holding on to hope that freedom and healing are possible.”
– Anonymous
“Growing up, my salvation was wrapped up in works: was I looking the part, dressing the part, going to as many gatherings as possible, was I doing enough? Jesus was the ultimate example that I was to be like. My job was to continue to strive to be good to be like Jesus, and if I did enough, hopefully Jesus would make up the difference. Grace was not something I was aware of. I was fully aware of how imperfect I was, and continually reminded that I would never be enough. God was almost like boogie man to me. All judgment and condemnation.
Now, I understand that Jesus is not just a perfect example that I am striving to be like. He was and is God, and he walked as a human being and knows every intimate detail about me. And he loves me anyway. His death on the cross and provides salvation for everyone that believes in Him. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He doesn’t tell people to clean up to come to him. He says to come to Him and tell he will cleanse us. He is the righteousness that we need. And we can stand before the throne of God and be declared righteous, not because of what we do, but because of what he has already done.”
– Gelaine
“My understanding of the gospel was very works based, and my primary motivation was shame and fear based. I could lose my salvation easily. There was no peace or joy. I could never achieve the perfection that seemed to be required according to the preaching I heard.
I have learned that salvation is by grace through faith in Christ alone. I am kept by Christ, not by anything I can do. It is Christ who works in me both to want to do His will, and to do His will. I don’t practice sin, but if I do sin, I don’t lose my salvation; I confess, knowing that when I do, God is faithful and just, and forgives. And I keep moving forward by His grace. Since my salvation is not in jeopardy, and my relationship with Christ is not based on performance, but on relationship and love, my faith has strengthened, and the peace and joy I longed for has replaced the fear and shame I lived with constantly.”
– Philip
“I used to believe the gospel only helped to get you saved and was always worried about not being good enough or not measuring up. I am naturally a people pleaser.
I had occasionally heard expositional preaching but it was rare and they never consistently went through entire books of the Bible, that is very different from where we are now.”
– Anonymous
“Hyper fundamentalism did not allow me to understand just how great the grace of God really is. It makes salvation a self-performance issue and simplifies holiness into a superficial thing such as clothing. I now believe in the performance of Christ on the cross and trust in his work that is finished and not in my own.”
– Jonathan
“I believed that I had to go through my pastor for most, if not all, of my spiritual understanding. Following the rules of my group was tantamount to spiritual success, disobeying was sin. My faith in the group I was a part of began to disintegrate as I observed folks who carefully followed every rule, yet the true love of God wasn’t present in their life. They were modest, free from ungodly entertainment, would never lie, cheat, cuss, or steal…and yet men would yell and scream at their wives, young people would follow after anything their rules didn’t strictly forbid or look for loopholes, children were kicked out of homes, congregations were cut off for small things like trimming hair or going to a ball game, women would gossip about one another and cut each other down behind their backs…on an on and on. I began to see that you can follow any list of standards and lack a real Christian experience. I wanted something deeper. One day, God called me to ‘Come out from among them and be ye separate.’ And I left and began to seek the Lord for who He truly is. He is leading me, guiding me, and revealing Himself to me more and more every day! I still have so much love for those I left behind, but I cannot stand for a weak, inconsistent Gospel when Christ died for SO much more. I was living beneath my privilege as a child of God, and I am thankful every day that I heard Him call me up to higher ground.”
– Anonymous
“I tried so hard to please God because I was taught that my entrance to Heaven depended on my performance and it never felt like enough. I was so discouraged, paralyzed by fear of falling into sin. Looking back, I see that I resented God at times. It felt like God was dangling His spiritual blessings out in front me saying ‘try harder, do more, you’re almost there.’ The gospel is supposed to be good news, but it didn’t feel like it was good news while I was in hyper-fundamentalism. Salvation felt like a gigantic weight on my shoulders. I put on a happy face in public, but behind closed doors I had no joy, no peace, and I was afraid the unsaved world would see through me and not want God or Holiness.
God used my husband who wasn’t raised in hyper-fundamentalism to help open my eyes to the hypocrisy in the Holiness movement. Then I began to read the Word of God without the Holiness blinders on and one day while reading the book of Romans, I the GOOD news of the gospel finally clicked for me. I realized in that moment that Jesus truly has paid my sin debt in full and He truly is able to keep me and see me through Heaven’s gates. I finally understood that ‘none are good, no not one…’ That we all fall short every single day, and that’s why we need a savior.”
– Ashleigh Best
“I did not understand the power of the cross and had no understanding of grace. I believed my salvation was tenuous and it wholeheartedly rested on my abilities. I was either very prideful about being special and chosen in a world full of lost souls OR I was in deep despair because I had ‘truth’ but could not stop sinning. I was isolated and for years drugs were my solution. It was in rehab I first recognized that maybe the God I was raised with was not fully accurate. It’s taken years of recovery and now about one year of discovering pages like this that have restored me to sanity.”
– Chaston
“I believed in salvation by grace through faith since my childhood, but in practice I absolutely lived as if my works, service at church, and external standards proved how sanctified I was as a Christian. It formed me into an ever fearful people pleaser, obsessive over what people thought of me and terrified of doing anything that even could appear to be wrong. I eventually realized that all my life I had been trying to convince others, myself, and even God that I was truly saved. Then I was able to place all my faith in Him, repent of my pride and sin, and be truly saved. It was another 5 years before I realized just how much hyper-fundamentalism continued to rule my thinking and identity as a Christian.”
– Anonymous
“I grew up viewing God as a harsh Creator just waiting for me to mess up. My church and family culture were very legalistic and I struggled simultaneously with pride and never feeling good enough. I subconsciously believed I was better than everyone else in the world because outwardly I kept all the rules and looked the part (and was told my church was the only one with real ‘Truth’) but I was inwardly an anxious wreck struggling with religious OCD and intrusive thoughts because I was always terrified of losing my salvation over every sin. The role of the Holy Spirit was diminished because I was expected to agree and follow the same convictions that the church group and my family taught me. Sharing the Gospel, Christian discipleship, vulnerability, deep community, accountability, and many other things were rarely engaged in in the church, and I realized how much I missed out on once I finally left and experienced those things elsewhere. It was the perfect storm for a faith disengagement in which I’m so glad I went through during my college years when I had a chance to take a step back from the movement I grew up in. Now I better understand the true character of God and the critical roles of grace, the Holy Spirit’s leading, and studying Scripture for myself. I am in a better place mentally and emotionally than I have ever been in — praise God!”
– Rachel
“I never felt worthy of God’s love. I failed, but always tried to work my way back to being ‘saved.’ It was emotionally exhausting. Even when I did everything right, my past mistakes still seemed to bring condemnation.”
– Courteney
“I believed my works saved me even though I was told they didn’t. The more I served, the more I sang, the more I spoke in tongues…I was more saved. God was a feeling not a person and my emotions dictated my life.”
– Victoria
“Hyper fundamentalism led me to believe that, even though I didn’t have to do anything to earn salvation, I had to work to earn God’s favor; which put me in a constant state of guilt. I felt that I had to have an emotional experience in every church service, or I wasn’t right with God. I viewed God as always mad at me unless I was doing all the things the church required of me. I wondered if I was ever serving enough, praying enough, or reading my Bible enough. After having left the movement, I view God as loving and the Gospel as a story of God pursuing sinners. If it was about me earning God’s favor, why would Jesus have died? I now know that I can have fellowship with believers of other denominations.”
– Hannah
“I viewed Christianity and Salvation as impossible to obtain. God seemed super picky and I knew I could never live up to what I thought was His expectations. The Gospel didn’t feel like freedom but felt like chains. All the extra non Biblical standards did nothing but make me feel as if I would never be able to get into Heaven. Especially since I questioned the standards.
I now have experience the freedom of God’s love and grace. I now understand more what it means to be a child of God and his love, grace and mercy exceeds past all the extra standards. I am able to worship freely without worrying if my sleeves roll up past my elbows. I am able to go to church and feel welcome whether I show up in jeans or a dress. It truly isn’t you outward appearance but your heart. Experiencing God’s forgiveness, grace and mercy along with what He has been showing me in my personal life has been the most amazing experience. God has answered prayers and has led me to things I should or away from things I shouldn’t do. God has shown Himself in such a real way to me… And I don’t just wear skirts.”
– Elizabeth
“Being born and raised in a hyper-fundamentalist, legalistic church, I grew up believing that my standing with God was conditional upon my own efforts to become ‘good enough.’ There was always more to do, and it felt prideful—even risky—to claim assurance of salvation. It seemed that no amount of striving was sufficient to merit His acceptance.
Yet, in His mercy, God has since revealed to me the true gospel. Through His Word, I have come to see that the simplicity of salvation lies in placing my faith and trust in Jesus alone. I am deeply thankful to know now that Jesus is enough—that His grace is sufficient for me, and that I can rest confidently in His completed work. Salvation is a free gift, and it’s one I can receive with joy and assurance because it depends on Him alone, not on my own endless striving.”
– Anonymous
No Assurance of Salvation
“I believe that assurance of Salvation was something I struggled with because I lived with the shadow of accidentally doing something that was against the Bible and missing heaven. I have served God since I was 9, but there was so much talk in the hyper-fundamental groups of things we had to do to please God. When I started to study on my own and read BH posts, I realized my salvation wasn’t based on anything other than salvation by grace through faith.”
– Sherilyn
“There’s so much more to it, but I recently realized that apart from a few days after each time I ‘went to the altar,’ I went to bed each night believing I would go to hell if I died or Christ returned.
35 years of this took a toll. I gave up for many years, unable to live a perfect Christian life, though desperately wanting to. My hyper-conscientiousness, combined with poor theology, left me a mess.
Jesus was faithful. He used Godly people who helped me read and understand the Gospel for what it is. The best Good News imaginable! The peace I now have, in spite of failures in my walk (sin), is indescribable. He truly paid the price and I live my life for him, not out of fear, but out of gratitude.”
– Aaron G.
“Salvation felt unachievable/scary to me. There were so many rules I genuinely felt like those were more important than anything else. To me salvation meant baptism and speaking in tongues, they put no emphasis on how our hearts played a role into knowing God and receiving his spirit. After leaving, it felt like someone took blinders off of me and I could actually breathe and have a relationship with God.”
– Natalie
“It [hyper fundamentalism] made me think that keeping salvation was impossible. My understanding was that every time I sinned, be it a sin listed in the Bible or one they one they made up, I had lost my salvation and had to repent and try to be good enough to keep it. It kept me fearful and uncertain. Now that I understand that salvation is fully in the finished work of Christ alone it has brought me peace, freedom, and joy.”
– Vanessa Powell
“…I felt so unworthy of anything good in life. I was a despicable excuse of a waste of oxygen and creativity on His part because of MY screw ups. I also believed that if I didn’t ‘toe the line,’ I may not even truly be saved. Any time I sinned, I questioned my salvation and was fearful of His wrath being poured out on me. At times, I didn’t even pray and ask His help or protection because I didn’t believe He would answer me anyway. I wasn’t holy enough or righteous enough. I would lay face down on the carpet in my bedroom many nights, sobbing, begging Him to just love and accept me into His family and to help me live pleasingly to Him.
Now.. now!! Now I feel His love all the time! I have seen Him answer my prayers for things I never thought possible. I am finally coming to comprehend grace. I didn’t understand it before. And it’s OVERWHELMING to me. I still feel unworthy, but more in a humble and still loved way, not in the way that I am gross and God is absolutely repulsed by me. Now I feel His grace and mercy as a result of His LOVE, not His pity. I no longer feel like I am a disgusting thing to Him, but something, SOMEONE, He longs to be close to and fellowship with. ME?! ME! God loves ME, no matter what! Now I desire to serve and please Him not because I’m terrified of Him utterly destroying me, but because I am so thankful for His love and grace and mercy and His UNBELIEVABLE sacrifice. I still, unfortunately, struggle with assurance of salvation at times. I guess that’s the one thing left from the hyper-fundy life that I’m struggling to have peace and release from. Pray for me to have that peace that lasts, and that Satan no longer is able to torment me with.”
– Kayla
“The church I grew up in made me feel so in bandage and negative about who I was and that God saw me as a bad person because I could never measure up. I kept failing when I should have been perfect. I wanted to make it to heaven but always felt like I wasn’t perfect enough and questioned as to whether I would make it. When I left that church, gradually I started seeing things in a different light. My eyes were opened to Bible truth. I continue to grow by the grace of God.”
– Marcy Sulzberger
“I grew up viewing God as more of a stern disciplinarian who would be very displeased with me if I didn’t line up to everything the church taught. I believed that if I took any mis-step, I would need to seek forgiveness immediately or face going to hell if I were to die in the meantime. I believed that many of the outward extra-biblical standards were THE way to spot a christian, and automatically assumed that if someone dressed holiness, they were definitely a Christian. I never did understand what true sanctification meant. The more I sought answers that made sense, the less sense it made. I had a pretty good grasp on what was required for salvation, but it was always something we ‘had to be sure’ about. There was never any security in what God did for me on the cross. I longed for true discipleship and was frustrated with lengthy sermons on that were preached in a fevered pitch and went nowhere.”
– Anonymous
“I was taught that we are saved by grace alone but the only way of keeping that salvation was by following the rules and standards of the church and you could only really have assurance of salvation after you died.”
– Darren B.
“I used to believe that I had to be perfect to go to heaven because that is how I was taught. I’m thankful that I now know that Jesus already lived that perfect life!”
– Ethan
“I saw my salvation as something fragile. I spent my life with virtually no assurance. I think the only time I felt assured was in the middle of an ecstatic altar service, and the evening following. The next morning-forget it. I had probably not prayed enough that morning. I probably had some hidden sin deep down-and obviously I couldn’t pin point that because why would God show it to me?
When presented with the gospel-by my husband who was also disentangling at the time-I wept. I couldn’t accept it at first. But when it hit my heart, I rested. For the FIRST. TIME. EVER.
I miss the people. I miss the relationship with my family. But I wouldn’t take it back because even without those things, I’m resting in the gospel.”
– Andrea M.
“I was raised to be fearful of backsliding, as if God was just waiting for me to mess up. I also had a confused understanding of Holiness. I am still learning what holiness is, but am so much closer to truth! Still working on the God really loves me part, that’s hard and complicated due to other issues not related to the church. We’ve been doing a study in Galatians at church, and it has been extremely helpful to me, especially chapter 5. All about how salvation is faith, not works, both getting saved and after. Walking in the Spirit is so connected to loving one another (a rather foreign concept as I’ve seen how the rule keeping leads to judgmentalism, pecking one another, cast system -elites vs nobodies, etc). It’s been very enlightening to me.”
– Anonymous
“In the movement you constantly wondered if you were doing enough to be saved. God seemed to be waiting to strike you down and take your salvation anytime you breathed wrong. They would never admit this but it’s true. I was never a ‘member’ but grew up around the group.
I came to see the grace of God from start to finish in Scripture. It is a beautiful doctrine.”
– Anonymous
“I felt like I could easily lose God’s favor and that salvation was something to be earned. The judgment day was something I had to personally prepare for and I just just crossed my fingers and hoped I would make it.
Now, I see love to think about the character of God. How God described himself to Moses in Exodus. I also love that salvation is something that I can enjoy today. That the end of my life is something to look forward to because of the blood of Jesus. ❤️”
– Jennifer W.
“For years I believed I had to ‘perform’ for God. That I needed others to constantly approve of me so that I could be reassured that I was saved. That I had no understanding to read and interpret the Bible on my own… Now today I am loved by God. His redemption is a free gift! I walk personally with my Lord. I read His word and learn so much about Him, myself and life! The Holy Spirit has become real to me on a personal level! Praise God! (Thank you for all the times when your IG posts made me realize that I CAN disentangle from these false doctrines I was raised under. God bless you!)”
– Rebecca
Living in Fear
“I lived in fear. Fear of wrath from God. Fear of God leaving me if I sinned because ‘He wouldn’t dwell in an unclean temple.’ Fear of being ‘sat down’ or ‘removed from the stage’ if I did something someone didn’t agree with. I only lived to please the pastor and fellow members and was consumed with pride in being ‘holiness.’ I judged others for the smallest things that were against ‘holiness standards.’ I believed all other ‘Christians’ from any other denomination were all deceived and going to Hell. If a sinner came to church and got ‘saved,’ they were expected to ‘line up’ fairly quickly or they didn’t really ‘pray through.’ It was all based on outward appearance.”
– Brittany
“I was in constant fear that I would lose my salvation. Probably displayed some religious ocd by praying the sinner’s prayer multiple times a day in case one of my thoughts that I may not have remembered was sinful. Also, was constantly worried that family members who didn’t live up to the holiness standards were sinners and backsliders going to hell. Basically, I was constantly paranoid and afraid that God was going to come back and send me and those I loved to hell.”
– Rachel
“While in Holiness, I felt like if I made one mistake and the Lord would come back at that moment I would be left behind. Mostly because this is what was implied! Something my pastor’s wife said one time during a testimony was that she had gotten angry at her supervisor at work one day, and she said she knew if the Lord would come back right then that she would’ve been left. Same church; a lady testifying said she always listened to hear children playing outside of a morning, and if she heard some, she knew the Lord hadn’t come back and left her. So much fear! I actually didn’t attend a Holiness [church] for a long time, but it certainly affected me for a long time after. Even now when I see a clip of a Holiness preacher preaching I start to feel fear and doubt creep in—which is wrong! Jesus did not die on the cross for us to live in bondage. I know that God loves me and isn’t sitting there waiting to punish me if I make a little mistake. I do believe we are called to live like Jesus, and that does not include legalistic do’s and don’ts that are not actually written in the Bible.”
– Anonymous
“Well into my 30s I felt eternally insecure. I viewed God as angry and salvation as a fragile thing that required perfection and easily constantly slipped away. Fear was a constant companion at times paralyzing fear and compulsive rule following with so much pride in righteousness of following and going above and beyond those rules.”
– Hannah
“It left me feeling very caged, like I was always wearing a mask because I couldn’t afford to share my real self. I didn’t have close friends beyond a surface level, I couldn’t let them see the real me. Now I feel much more confident, no anxiety, it’s just me and God and I know despite my personal questions that without a doubt I can trust Him and don’t have to worry, come what may.”
– Anonymous
“I believe it [hyper fundamentalism] made me afraid. Afraid that one mistake or one wrong move, it was over and I was going straight to Hell. It made me afraid to do anything to make the Pastor upset or angry because you would be called out and made a spectacle of. I think in this religion, you put more focus on the Pastor and what he says rather than what the Word says.”
– Dana Hand
“I have been trying to save myself my entire life. I lived in fear and anxiety of being ‘left behind.’ I am still working out my salvation but I love the book of Ephesians to point me toward the cross and what Jesus did for me.”
– Ashley
“We were taught ‘saved by grace’ but outward appearances was paramount for proof of being a Christian. Also fear of God was imbedded very early as a child. Doing any type of wrong whether conscious or sub conscious could mean God was displeased with us and we wouldn’t be ready for heaven. Another big fear that was perpetrated was that God may never speak to us again. We walked on eggshells with God. I developed immense anxiety in my teens due to those fear factors and had panic attacks for years. It was not until I started disentangling myself from the Holiness movement that the trauma I developed through 30 years of living under a religious microscope did my anxiety/panic attacks cease. I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone. Living in that movement felt like a type of hell on earth.”
– Lori
“I was constantly on edge and anxious about what other people thought of me and my relationship with God. Now I feel secure in my salvation regardless of what other people may think about me. Before disentangling, I would occasionally anctively engage in unhealthy sinful behaviors and feel like it was kind of ok because God didn’t reveal it to ‘my pastor’ or another significant spiritual ‘authority.’ Now I understand that God loves me even when I struggle with sin. This doesn’t mean that he condones or accepts my sin, just that He loves me in spite of that. He also has placed people and processes in my life to help me deal with the root cause of some of my struggles rather than just telling me to ‘pray and read my Bible more’ without providing any practical ways to deal with the hurt/habit/hang up that caused me to continually choose the unhealthy sinful behavior.”
– Brian
“If asked to describe how my upbringing made me feel, the overwhelming response was FEAR. It began as a young child, and, at 60, I still feel the tentacles of it, though I try to find peace with it. As a young child, I recall calling for my mom the moment I got home from school, cause if I couldn’t find her, for sure the Rapture had happened, I was left. I never felt worthy to be included, though I prayed to ‘get saved’ many times, did all I could to conform and live the life required. Fear. Lots of fear.”
– Anonymous
“I am 64 and have suffered with anxiety for most of my life. Never felt good enough. We were not taught the gospel of grace and always felt we had to do the right things. As a women I always wore my hair up and although I’d wear pants in the garden and camping and such, I didn’t (at this point I still have t got up the courage!) wear pants shopping in our smaller home town in case I’m seen by a previous church member. Not knowing the gospel of grace, I never knew the promised joy of salvation.”
– Anonymous
“Hyper fundamentalism caused excessive fear/anxiety, to a point I couldn’t attend church for even 10 minutes without a full panic attack and not being able to breathe. This was while following all rules and surface level believing all that was taught. When I finally realized my triggers were based in bad theology/standards/enforcement, I was too scared to leave. It was all I had known.
An unbeliever coworker who was searching for hope asked me about coming to my church one day. There was no way I was bringing him to my church so we attended a Wednesday night chapel at Liberty University (near where I live) with Ergun Caner speaking. He spoke with such confidence in the sovereignty of God and how God won’t leave us as His kids. It started me exploring what the Bible actually says.
I attended a conservative church for a long time thereafter but finally left all conservative church ideas for at least 5 years. For the last 2+ years, we have been attending a more Bible centered church and Berean has helped with this.”
– Jason
Division from Other Christians
“I thought I was so much better than anyone else who did not follow my strict rules. For example, in youth group, I didn’t wear skin tight clothing or leggings nor had I ever dated anyone. So therefore, I was much better off spiritually than some of my peers (a lot of pride and self righteousness!) I went to Crown College in Knoxville TN for my freshman year of college, and there I realized that a lot of what was preached as basically gospel (dress standards, music standards, dating standards, etc.) were preferences and not actually found in the Bible. It shook my faith to its core at the time and I stopped reading my Bible for a year, even tho I still attended church and chapel and did/said all the right things outwardly. I almost walked away from Christianity altogether because everything was upended for me. Any questions I brought up to peers or Dean of women or even my parents (for a short time) were treated as rebellion and I was told to just read my Bible and obey.
Now 11 years later, my faith is strong and I’m so thankful for the people who met me where I was and helped and prayed for me and showed me that God didn’t make cookie cutter Christians and it’s ok to have different standards and preferences. There is liberty in Christ!”
– Heidi
“I viewed the whole world including other Christians with different views as (almost) hopelessly lost. I understood my small circle as the ‘elect’ of God.”
– Anonymous
“I had no understanding of the Gospel, I didn’t even hear it until I was 28 years old and attended a Bible study outside of our church. I also did not believe I was saved, I didn’t think I could know that until after death. Salvation was something I was working towards and trying to earn by my behavior. I saw God as more of an angry judge than a loving father, just waiting for me to mess up and then punishing me. The people in my church were the only true Christians, altho we didn’t even use that word to describe ourselves. Anyone outside our church was lost and all other churches and preachers were false. I now know and believe the Biblical Gospel and know that I am saved based on my faith in Christ alone. I am a part of the Church, the body of Christ, made up of all believers…a big and wonderful family!”
– Beth F.
“I did not realize it at the time but I believed that I was somewhat superior to others. I was nice and compassionate but deep down I felt like because I held a ‘standard’ and our church ‘had the anointing’ that we were the best. I believed that if I did good God would bless me more and love me more. When I didn’t do good or I failed at checking off something on my checklist I would almost ‘hide’ from God, sounds silly, but I wouldn’t pray as much or shout as much until I felt I had did enough to gain His respect back. I didn’t necessarily think less of those who didn’t have what I had but I did think I had the key to God’s favorite and knew it all.”
– Anonymous
“Hyper-fundamentalism made me believe that the gospel was all about how you looked and how others perceived you. The rigid doctrine and rules made me feel like I had to be uncomfortable with my appearance in order to not cause others to sin and appear ‘Christian.’ The damage was so deep that I came to reject and even hate other Christians who did not look like me, because I considered them less holy and misguided.”
– Keren N.
“I grew up being taught that people from other beliefs outside of ours were not going to heaven. I was taught to have nothing to do with people from other beliefs. I was taught that if I wore pants or cut my hair I was going to hell.
As I grew older and understood more, I now know and believe that people from other Bible based faiths will enjoy heaven with me. I no longer believe that dressing modestly means only wearing dresses. Modesty is more than outward appearance. Berean Holiness had helped me understand this even better and is a great resource to refer others to!”
– Karen
Challenges of Leaving
“I’m in the middle of it right now. It is literally the most difficult thing. I started seeing a therapist. I don’t have much of a support system outside of the movement…I don’t even know how to have the conversation with my mom, which is what I’m worried about the most. Knowing she and everyone else I’m friends with will see me differently. As a: backslider, deceived, reprobate, bitter, never loved the truth, as my old pastor would say when a person left ‘God will mess up your marbles.’
I have heard it from others and it is the truest thing. It is easier to stay than to leave. As much as I disagree with holiness standards and doctrines…leaving means losing pretty much everything and starting over. It’s almost like a house fire (not to be disrespectful to those who have experienced that). Those in it burn the bridge and you’re left in the smoke to fumble around and salvage whatever is left.”
– Anonymous
“I thought there was something wrong with me, that I was just rebellious and had no hope because I questioned standards as long as I can remember… the first memory being in 3rd grade. I was labeled by our movement before I was even old enough to understand anything, so I was always an outcast and treated badly. I was engaged to someone in the movement and there were multiple people that told his family I was ‘bad news’ even though I was trying at the time to be ‘holiness.’ Luckily, praise God, that relationship ended abruptly 4 months before our wedding. I left the Holiness movement as soon as I moved out of my parents’ home a few months later. I wanted nothing to do with God or church. I was treated so badly my whole life by people who claimed to be ‘God’s people’ and I truly wanted nothing. I was so completely lost. I fell into new age/witchcraft later and convinced myself that the Bible was just written by men who wanted to control women. After having children of my own I went on a desperate search as a last ditch effort to find God and He revealed his true nature to us and I could finally read the Bible with new eyes. I believe He allowed me to find him without the baggage I was raised with so that I could have a true understanding of the Scripture without the tainted glasses of brainwashing. My husband (not raised in hyper fundamentalism) and I got baptized in August of 2023… 12 years after my leaving the holiness movement for good.”
– Anonymous
“The way I understood how it was all taught to me growing up made me feel like salvation was too hard for me. Like a test I absolutely could not pass. It made Christ feel so foreign and far away from where I was. I’m currently still untangling from things. It’s been a very slow and scary process because I’ve lived in this very specific way of life for my entire life. It isn’t just a religion. As a female it’s almost a culture and identity all rolled into one which makes it hard to untangle and sort through. Now I can see and understand that Gods grace and mercy is easy and He is a loving God. He isn’t up there in heaven expecting me to fail.”
– Terry
“Being part of a hyper fundamentalist group meant that we were never to question authority and any swaying from their messages would result in going to hell. I did not understand grace or mercy. When I moved away from home at 18, I knew there were some beliefs I didn’t agree with. During college I began attending a non-denominational church that helped me untangle my faith and have a better understanding of Scripture. However, I grappled with their interpretation of Scripture for 20 years before I finally figured out for myself what I believed. It was a long, rocky road.”
– RaChelle
“I experienced a fear of what people in my local assembly thought of us… We lost friends. People who we thought were close friends completely quit talking to us. Seeing people from that church out in public has also been difficult because when you try to say hello, they’ve turned the other way.
It can also be difficult to disentangle from what you’ve been told to believe. The scripture to study to show yourself approved unto God, was often preached, but once you started studying for yourself and have questions, you’re belittled and told you should know better. So instead of feeling like the Bible is living word, you feel like you’re ashamed you’re not interpreting it correctly. This can be discouraging, but I encourage you to keep digging and studying!”
– Jennifer A.
“The church we attended was driven with ‘break through’ services. Apparel, authoritative leadership, don’t question leadership, church attendance was of great importance, tongues and interpretation services was the norm. When we left ‘the church’ the pastor told me that my wife was the only one redeemable and me and the two children (ages 7-11) at that time would die lost. Various church members reiterated the message by the pastor when coming into contact with me. We received voicemails with the same rhetoric and when we attended a new church, the pastor called that leader and told him we were a ‘cancer’ and not to accept us. This all happened in 2006. Now, 18 years, the wounds have healed but the scars remain.”
– John
“When you realize that many of your tightly-held beliefs are incorrect, it makes you start to question everything. I became overwhelmed thinking about all the theological things that I needed to study out for myself. It can also be easy to become jaded and very suspicious of all spiritual leaders, wondering who you can trust.”
– Hannah
“Losing all connections; gossip; public ridicule; family separation, etc. You’re going through the most trying time of your life and have no one to go to; no comfort to rest in.”
– Anonymous
“Feeling lonely and judged by those who still attend there. I feel a sense of rejection and sometimes if I get in my head I feel like they might be right that I am sinning by attending a church with drums, or other things that I know is not sin. There is a lot of confusion around freedoms in Christ for me, and I was so used to someone telling me what I can and can’t do that its hard for me to follow what I know is true.”
– Trisha
“-Accepting that everything you were taught- your foundation is wrong.
-Fear of judgement from your church “family”.
-Isolation
-The unknown- where do I go from here?
People in my group believed that leaving the church means leaving God. It didn’t matter if you left and attended another church, you still are backslidden. I was a part of my group since the age of 2. I began transitioning out at around 22, fully leaving at 23. It felt like a mind-game. I couldn’t go cold turkey because it would raise alarm bells. I had to slowly stop attending. It wasn’t until my husband and I begged them to not surround me in a prayer circle that I realized I had to cut them off completely. As they all tried to lay hands on me I had a panic attack and ran out of the building, they chased me and I tore my Achilles tendon resulting in 2 surgeries, a wound vac, and many months of PT. I believe if it never happened, I would’ve went back because of fear of isolation, judgement, and the unknown.”
– Joanna
“I was raised and am fourth generation of a prominent Pentecostal Holiness family (campmeeting preachers). So I was raised steeped in these beliefs and conditioned from birth to believe that holiness meant adhering to the dress code and entertainment standards. When you combine the entrenched belief with the fact that you will lose your entire community, it’s a challenge that can only be overcome by the grace of God and the light of his word.”
– Anonymous
“My biggest struggle was thinking if I leave this church, I’m condemning myself to hell. I truly was in so much pain and suffering so much in trying to uphold these man made rules that I was on the brink of suicide. And that day I left the church. I could not live another day under the pressure of the rules and would really have rather gone to hell than continue to live that way.”
– Autumn H.
“You are told ALL other churches are wrong and you feel like you have nowhere to go when leaving. It’s lonely. It took a lot of brave Sunday’s walking into a new churches, and years of sitting under different teaching and searching scriptures myself to rebuild my faith.”
– Anonymous
“Unfortunately, you will lose friends that you’ve had in the movement just by leaving. We’ve had family members treat us completely different and unfortunately lie about us. We’ve received multiple messages and calls from others in the movement trying to persuade us to come back. It’s hard sometimes, but in the end I just pray that the true gospel is revealed to them just as it was to us.”
– Anonymous
“Once you leave, you’re either shunned or shamed by people you once trusted wholeheartedly, and loved like family.
You end up losing so much, and only after much pain and heartache do you realize what you’ve gained, which is a better understanding of the Gospel, a deeper love for the Lord, and a genuine relationship with Him that’s not based on fear.”
– Sarah M.
“Personally, I felt like the foundation I had built my life upon started crumbling. I worked through the stages of grief and at one point thought about walking away because it felt too daunting to start disentangle all the untruths. Thankfully, I didn’t!
I had to replace freedom in Christ with all the fear.”
– Anonymous
“The feeling that no one understands you. This has been my hardest challenge. I have cried many tears because those who have not been in it cannot understand. And before Berean Holiness it was difficult to find those who had left before and after you. Now we all gravitate together under Berean Holiness because we are seen, heard, and understood!”
– Melody
“Berean Holiness helped me see that some of the standards I had followed all my life weren’t actually biblical. For over four years, I’ve been trying to distance myself from the doctrines and standards I grew up with, but moving on is so tied up in fear that I struggle to make any real changes. Although I can say that I know certain standards and teachings aren’t biblically sound, I still can’t seem to change my actions to reflect that understanding—if that makes sense. I hadn’t realized how deeply ‘religion’ had instilled fear in me, and breaking free from it feels impossible at times.
Sometimes, I think I’m making progress, but my thought process is so skewed that I’m never entirely sure. When I talk to Christians who weren’t raised in the UPC, it’s striking to see how different their relationship with God is compared to mine. They seem to have so much more grace and a lot less judgment than I’ve ever seen displayed. I know that if I were to cut my hair or wear makeup, I’d face significant backlash and even ostracism—this fear still has a grip on my life. So, even though I don’t believe in these standards anymore, I feel trapped and unable to change.”
– Anonymous
Need for Free, Faith-Based Resources
“Searching for a healthy church is no small task when you’ve only known extremes and dysfunction. I am so grateful for resources like Berean Holiness and the community group for providing biblical support and encouragement during such a vulnerable time in my faith journey. This ministry is so unique in its mission to walk alongside the weary and point the way back towards Christ. As someone that once embraced the emptiness of deconstruction, it’s more common to find voices in support of leaving the faith altogether than those that champion rebuilding from a healthier understanding of the gospel. Thank you for modeling integrity and the love of Jesus.”
– Amanda
“It was so hard for me to go back to a church, and now, 4.5 years later, I struggle to read my Bible and pray without feeling immense guilt. I had panic attacks when I would be exposed to settings that reminded me of the church I was a part of. It also launched me into a time ot questioning what I could even believe about God and about my faith. I went through a time of deconstructing, not because I didn’t want to believe, but because the faith that had been modelled to me was so hurtful and damaging that I didn’t want any part of it, or of the God I thought went with it. I think this process is so hard because within the church today, there are so few people who are willing to call out the wrong and defend those being harmed. I only could come back to God fully when I understood that He is good and also HOLY, which means that He hates the hurt that people cause in His name. That is a God I wanted to serve, and I think we need more people who are willing to represent Him that way.”
– Anonymous
“The biggest challenge by far in my opinion is the loss of faith community. I tried really hard, (as hard as an introvert can) in the months following my exit from the cult to find/fit in with another community. It never happened. And so I think as months turned in to years I became accustomed to life without a faith community. Now I’m completely comfortable without it.
So, I think finding people before they reach that stage is important. How to do that? I don’t know the answer to that…
I think you [Berean Holiness] are on a good track. The resources that you already have and the ones you are continuing to work on are going to help a lot of people. I actually wish I had found you sooner. Would it have changed the outcome? I’m not sure…”
– Steve F.
“When I first ‘learned’ about God through the UPCI I was taught that real salvation was to repent, be baptized and receive the Holy Ghost. After I completed this process, I thought I’d feel a sense of security in my salvation but instead I felt like I could lose my salvation at any minute… I learned there were other things I needed to do to which seemed like an endless impossible list to keep. I kept being told if my heart was in a real relationship with Christ then I could ‘endure to the end to be saved.’
Well, I made it to the end all right, but to the end of the rope of man made doctrine. I was at the end and I was tired, exhausted, spiritually fatigued and more confused than ever before. What was wrong with me? This is when I found Berean Holiness and realized I wasn’t alone, that countless others felt like me who still believed in God but needed direction. If it wasn’t for this lifesaving ministry I might have believed I was beyond saving and spiraled into unbelief. I know now and am still learning that God STILL loves me and has a plan for my life.”
– Cindy
“Growing up in the Holiness movement, my relationship with Christ was one built strictly on fear and adherence to the rules. Everything and everyone else was worldly and not true believers or Christian. We were subliminally taught to judge others, almost never did the church group actually act as the hands and feet of God. Newcomers were shunned if they didn’t fall in line with the standards by their second visit. I actually cannot convey in words how much theological and psychological damage this caused. I was apart of a cult, and there’s no way of mining those words. Almost my entire generation left the church, some all together left Christianity. I’ve seen it destroy families, friendships etc.. just through church splits alone, which are more common in the HM than actually winning new souls for the kingdom. As soon as I turned 17, I left and never looked back. I lived a wicked life and I was so disenfranchised, so many delusions about faith in general, that at some points I felt almost agnostic. My family started going to an Assembly of God church, and I saw the changes in my own parents. I started to attend church occasionally again, I started seeking Christ myself and began a relationship with him.
I cannot convey how much Berean Holiness has helped me disentangle my own faith. Y’all may never know the impact you have made on countless people, bringing them back and biblically showing the fallacy of hyper-fundamentalism. Even as an adult long after I left church, I was still struggling with my inability to remain perfect, to obtain the seemingly impossible status I needed to be saved (so I thought), which caused a cycle of shame and failure, blocking me from the love of God and the reality of who He is. BH has tremendously helped me in this journey and I can’t thank y’all enough for obeying God and starting this ministry, which is exactly what this is.”
– Justin Stamps
“Being a free resource is SO SO beneficial. I would have never paid for anything while starting out on this journey, timid, scared, and so unsure of everything. Being able to read or watch others stories, the research in legalistic topics, and biblical doctrine was so enlightening. I dug deeper, and I made connections with others who were on the same journey in a time where we felt alone because we had lost our community. A random Facebook post appeared on my feed, and it was from there that I began to follow Berean.”
– Victoria
Make A Difference
Provide free faith-based resources for believers leaving hyper fundamentalism!
As the Body of Christ, we are all called to care for the broken and share the gospel—how much more should we do this for the millions of people who have been led astray by ministers claiming the name of Christ?
Our team is working hard to support those who are leaving cultish groups by providing faith-based, gospel-centered resources—from community groups and Bible studies via Zoom, to articles and videos, to private support calls and in-person events.
All support and resources are provided at no cost to those we serve. But we can’t do it alone! It is the generous giving, especially monthly giving, of fellow believers who make this ministry possible. Our vision is to hire five new team members by 2030, drastically expanding the quantity and quality of resources Berean Holiness can offer. Will you consider partnering with us to reach the millions of people harmed by hyper fundamentalism with the gospel of grace?
“This has been absolutely monumental for me. And without this group I would still be struggling and stuck in a cult. However I truly think the best part for me is the community that we still have even now that the group is over. Being able to reach out and message these new friends for prayer and support.”
– Dylan (2025)
“When I left an unhealthy church, I was carrying deep confusion and pain. The environment I was in had twisted my view of God and left me with a lot of fear and shame. I didn’t know who to trust, and for a while I felt completely lost in my faith.
The Berean Holiness group gave me language for what I had experienced and helped me realize that I wasn’t alone. The resources, teaching, and community here helped me separate God’s truth from man-made control. I began to see the difference between toxic patterns and the real gospel of Jesus Christ. That gave me the courage to fully walk away and the hope that a healthy community does exist.
Now, I’m beginning to plant myself in a new, life-giving church where I can grow in faith and build real relationships. The peace and freedom I’ve found would not have been possible without first being reminded of who God really is through Berean Holiness. This group has been a lifeline, showing me that healing, hope, and genuine faith are possible.”
– Brianna (2025)
Are you interested in becoming a financial supporter, but want more information? Let’s talk!